I had it all up in my head. And unfortunately, that's where it stayed.

Welcoming in a new year is a time to reflect. It's also a time to drink a shit ton of alcohol and wake up the next morning with a little filly under your arm who incredibly managed to morph from Katy Perry to Dawn French overnight. But mostly it's a time to reflect. A time to look back at what you have and what you haven't accomplished over the last 365 days and a time to make a heartfelt list of things you want to accomplish in the coming 12 months. Every year I see so many people praying that the next year will be better than the last. Last year I was one of those people.

2010 sucked ass. Big time. I lost my fiancee, I lost my housemate and for the first time in my life, I lost direction. That sounds a little melodramatic, sure, but it's not far off the mark. All the time I was with Annie, I never had to question where life was going or what the next few years would hold. I knew exactly what was going to happen: Marriage, kids (4, Aiden, Evy, Olivia, Noah), moving to Canada, getting a pig and a rottweiler. I had it all up in my head. And unfortunately, that's where it stayed.

2011 should have been a pivotal year for me. If you had told me I would have been single come the end of the year, I would have politely told you to do one. As regular readers will know, I tend to get in over my head with girls. I become infatuated pretty easily, but then get very bored. It's not something I can really prevent either; I'm the type of person who mulls over the tiny insignificant details and reads too much into texts, phonecalls and the like. If somebody isn't perfect for me, I give up. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's not.

But yeah, this year should have been about change. Let's take a look at my resolutions I made 12 months ago:


(10) Continue Quest for the perfect Display Picture.

I have a display picture with Roy Walker. If that's not #winning, I don't know what is.

Complete.

(9) Decide where my career is going.

Apparently my career is chugging along at a similar pace. 

Deferred. 

(8) Try a wider variety of Alcoholic Beverages.

I have drunk one new alcoholic beverage every week for 52 weeks. The photo album is pretty special. 

Complete.

(7) Find a new hobby.

Erm... does blogging count? Yeah, sure it does. 

Complete.

(6) Be more selfish. Stop the whole mantra "If you're happy, I'm happy".

I like to think I've been more selfish. I'm still a drip, but I'm definitely alot more honest albeit temperamental. 

Complete.

(5) Clean the cooker. Just once. 

The cooker packed up so the landlord bought us a new shiny one. 

Deferred.

(4) See more of the world.

Hello Boston!! 

Complete.

(3) Wait for Mrs Right, don't go looking for her. Don't settle for second best. Never forget how good a life in love can be, and embrace Idealism (even more so).

I'm still an idealist, but I do tend to still go looking for love in places where deep down I know it isn't there. I still haven't forgotten how good love is, and I don't ever think I will. Have I waited for Mrs Right? Hell no. I've gone looking for her. The one time I didn't go looking, Mrs Almost-right came and found me. 

Failed.

(2) Put on at least a stone of muscle.

I'm not in bad shape. I've put on a stone and I still feel almost rake-like, so let's assume it's muscle. 

Complete.

(1) Give up smoking.

Fuck you Magaluf. 

Failed.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I can look back on this list and I've accomplished a few things. These pretty much revolve around women, beer and social networking. When you dissect it like that, it's a pretty grim state of affairs; last year's resolutions were wank. So I'm throwing it out there to all my lovely readers who have been with me throughout this year, through thick and thin, to guide me, mock me and whatnot. As flies on the metaphorical wall that is my life, I'd love for you to throw a few meaningful resolutions at me and I'll see if I can mold a much more productive list than last year. 

I'll start it off:

• Get CERT CII Qualified, finish my driving lessons and complete my TEFL Course,
• Find a new haircut,
• Man up,
• ...

Help a Brother out.

Much Love,

Luke. 

Murmur

That's not even a nice word. If Doc is going to diagnose me with something, at least make it sound cool. Like Gastroenteritis, or Hypochondria. Murmur just sounds pathetic.

However, I am alive. And if my ECG and blood test results are anything to go by, I shouldn't be collapsing anytime soon, so I feel good. I still need to have an Ultrasound on my chest (I'm sure they called it something cooler than that at the Hospital but I can't for the life of me remember what it was) and I still need to take it easy, but I'm glad there's nothing wrong with my ticker. I don't know what I'd do without it.

So its Saturday afternoon and I've just worked my way through a mountain of celebratory cheesey beans on toast, and I am walking around the house trying to work out what I still need to get for Magaluf. I haven't had a workout for a week and a half and I still don't feel physically up to it, but I feel like I've lost definition and size already. Bad times. I always wonder whether women actually like muscles. Some women I've met love them, but a lot of women don't seem to care. I'd love to know what your opinions are, particularly my followers from across the pond. I picture all American college guys to be completely ripped jocks who play water polo. I might be wrong.

...

And it's now Sunday evening. At 23 years old, these hangovers are getting worse and worse. The 24-hour hangover is becoming a regular thing. What a fantastic night out though. And I hooked up with a gay girl, which I feel is quite an achievement. A UV bubble machine, my new Skechers and copious amounts of crazy green thick gloopy spirits make for one entertaining night. Good times all round.

Nova is back!!

Luke

Steady

It went something like this:

Text Message from Annie - "Hi x"

** Ring ring.... ring ring... ring ring....**

"Hey".

"Hey you alright? Can you talk?"

"Erm yeah sure, but I might laugh all the way through because I'm completely stoned."

Is it wrong to think I got out at exactly the right time? Before I met her, she was a loose cannon, a wreck-head, a liability. And now, she has resorted to type. For the first time in the last year, I think I'm beginning to thrive. I have the world at my feet, I have all the tools I need to do everything and anything I want. I've never felt more wanted or attractive, even when Annie and I were together. I get alot of interest from women and I feel good about myself. My savings are going better than I could have ever imagined and I have plans. I HAVE MY OWN PLANS! My life plans have never consisted of anything more than 'Get Married', 'Get a half-decent job', 'Have a family'. I have thrown myself in the deep end at work, taking every single opportunity available. System Testing? I'll take a stab at it. Overtime on a Sunday? Of course. 2 more CII exams by the end of the year? Hell yeah! I'm even doing Broker and Underwriter visits, which I HATE. 

My life is travelling at a blistering pace at the moment and I've never felt so energised or invigorated. The gym is awesome. I am finally making the gains I wanted to make this time last year, and the sprinting is fun and rewarding. 

I've changed alot over the last year. Subtle changes, but I feel like a new person. I've got alot closer to my family and, in particular, my Brother Aaron. He's my only older Brother, and he got back from a 6-month tour of Afghanistan with the Army. He's an inspiration to me, and a bloody hero and we are closer than ever which is pretty darn awesome. 

I'm still a soppy hopeless romantic who amazingly still believes in true love, despite what happened with Annie. (Cheers for that gene, Dad!). I still get butterflies and I know full well that I WILL fall in Love again. I hope it's not before my travels. Maybe it will be on my travels. Which brings me to my next point...

Something odd has happened. I am finding myself increasingly attracted to foreign women. Black, Asian, Eastern-European, you name it. Yeah. That's my strange development of the month. Hello cute Asian girl jogging. Wait, WHAT?!

A bit of diversity can't be bad, can it?

"How can you love 'Valentine's Day' but hate 'Love Actually'?" they ask me. I don't flipping know. I just hate 'Love Actually'. I've watched it one and a half times and I can never get that time back! 

Ella has been a tad distant. Maybe I'm just being a tad ridiculous. She has had exams etc. but I love our little Skype sessions. It's always nice to have someone to talk to and she's brilliant at it; she always cheers me up. 

Anyhow, this post has pretty much been a disjointed mess. I'll end on a high note. Today I stumbled across a post on the Gapyear.com forums discussing people who doubted you. When you said you wanted to travel and that you were going to work in Australia, or you were going to save £10,000 and move away, there were always people trying to knock you down. I guess it applies to anything good in life. Maybe it's jealousy. But one poster made my day with this: 

"Just SNIP. Smile, nod, ignore, proceed". 

Love it. 

To end on a song, because quite frankly, music is bloody awesome and the thought that perhaps someone reading this will listen to this song and fall in love with it, well, that's pretty great if you ask me. I love to sing along to this song, and it always makes me smile. I hope you like it too, and I hope you all have a wonderful week.

"It's your flawless soul that bleeds my stone"

Luke

Optimism

It struck me today that my blog posts are never particularly positive. I wouldn't say they are overly negative, but I guess when things are going well, you don't have time to write about them. When things are not going so well, you feel like you could write for England.

I've always been a very positive person. People always see me as an optimist; they expect me to always walk into the office with a smile on my face and a tune in head. And I do. I've always got time for people and the glass is nearly always half full. So time for an overly positive post. I'm feeling good today. No. I'm feeling GREAT today. Lists are good.


Reasons Why I'm Chuffed

1. I just watched Cops. Hilarious.
2. In a year's time, I'll be leaving for Thailand. Beautiful, beautiful Thailand.
3. Liverpool BATTERED Fulham last night. Rampant. King Kenny makes me chuffed. 
4. I DEFINITELY have some serious cravings for some Ella. 
5. I DEFINITELY DO NOT have some serious cravings for some Annie. 
6. I am eating like a trojan horse, and I am gaining. Awesome.
7. 4 weeks until Magaluf. 4 weeks until glorious sunshine, great cocktails and gorgeous women. 
8. Aaron is back home and safe from Afghanistan. YES.
9. New season of One Tree Hill should be starting on E4 in the new few weeks.
10. I remembered I love Autumn Reeser.
11. I discovered Susan Coffey. 
12. I fell in love with Susan Coffey.
13. I realised that there are other people out there with unhealthy obsessions with One Tree Hill and The OC. 
14. I discovered All American Rejects - Another Heart Calls. And it makes me smile every time I hear it. 
15. And finally, I'm chuffed because life is fucking beautiful.

After my workout, I stood and looked out the loft window. The sun was setting and the skies were clear as anything, and it just made me realise that life is amazing. It was a kind of 'American Beauty' moment in essence; I realised how amazingly beautiful the world was and how lucky we all are to be living right here, right now, and to have health and happiness. Totally bloody cliche, I know. The point is, I love my life. Sure, alot of the time I'm ranting, but that's because I want my life to be even better, and I want to try and plug every single little gap in my life (Michael Scott - "That's what she said"). That's not to say I don't have a fantastic life right now.

I'm just greedy ;)

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”