Last night was absolutely perfect. Death Cab were stunning. I was blown away by how good they sounded live, and the atmosphere inside Brixton Academy was brilliant. To be surrounded by so many people with the same taste in music was surreal considering almost everyone I have spoken to since have never even heard of Death Cab for Cutie. They literally took my breath away and it was by far the best gig I have ever been to.
Today was spent trying to keep my head up at work and trying to find someone else who knew who Death Cab were. It's 1900hrs and I still need to eat, but I have every intention of getting to bed by 2000hrs. I am exhausted. But just physically at the moment. Mentally, I feel good; I don't feel stressed or angsty (is that even a word?!) and I am relaxed. Probably the Beta Blockers, that. Tomorrow I'm up at stupid o'clock for 8 more hours of double-rate overtime and then a session in the gym. No rest for the wicked.
Annie brought up an interesting point last night. She mentioned the engagement ring I bought her, which she still has in her safe. I have always said to her I don't want it back, I wanted her to keep it. You know, think of me in five or ten years time when her life is miserable and lonely and remember how good she had it. Yesterday, she said she was thinking of asking me if she could sell it, and split the cash 50/50 to put in our respective savings (she is leaving for Australia in December). It's a difficult situation. The ring itself is worth around £1200 retail value. I'm not sure how much we would get selling it, but I can't decide if I'm comfortable with selling it. A ring isn't just an expensive piece of jewellery; it's a memento in the same way a photo or a family heirloom is. I'm not sure you can put a price on that.
Or is it? Maybe it is just an expensive piece of jewellery. Why keep it when Annie and I have very little emotional attachment? Perhaps it's just an unnecessary reminder of the past and how much has changed.
"Erm yeah sure, but I might laugh all the way through because I'm completely stoned."
Is it wrong to think I got out at exactly the right time? Before I met her, she was a loose cannon, a wreck-head, a liability. And now, she has resorted to type. For the first time in the last year, I think I'm beginning to thrive. I have the world at my feet, I have all the tools I need to do everything and anything I want. I've never felt more wanted or attractive, even when Annie and I were together. I get alot of interest from women and I feel good about myself. My savings are going better than I could have ever imagined and I have plans. I HAVE MY OWN PLANS! My life plans have never consisted of anything more than 'Get Married', 'Get a half-decent job', 'Have a family'. I have thrown myself in the deep end at work, taking every single opportunity available. System Testing? I'll take a stab at it. Overtime on a Sunday? Of course. 2 more CII exams by the end of the year? Hell yeah! I'm even doing Broker and Underwriter visits, which I HATE.
My life is travelling at a blistering pace at the moment and I've never felt so energised or invigorated. The gym is awesome. I am finally making the gains I wanted to make this time last year, and the sprinting is fun and rewarding.
I've changed alot over the last year. Subtle changes, but I feel like a new person. I've got alot closer to my family and, in particular, my Brother Aaron. He's my only older Brother, and he got back from a 6-month tour of Afghanistan with the Army. He's an inspiration to me, and a bloody hero and we are closer than ever which is pretty darn awesome.
I'm still a soppy hopeless romantic who amazingly still believes in true love, despite what happened with Annie. (Cheers for that gene, Dad!). I still get butterflies and I know full well that I WILL fall in Love again. I hope it's not before my travels. Maybe it will be on my travels. Which brings me to my next point...
Something odd has happened. I am finding myself increasingly attracted to foreign women. Black, Asian, Eastern-European, you name it. Yeah. That's my strange development of the month. Hello cute Asian girl jogging. Wait, WHAT?!
A bit of diversity can't be bad, can it?
"How can you love 'Valentine's Day' but hate 'Love Actually'?" they ask me. I don't flipping know. I just hate 'Love Actually'. I've watched it one and a half times and I can never get that time back!
Ella has been a tad distant. Maybe I'm just being a tad ridiculous. She has had exams etc. but I love our little Skype sessions. It's always nice to have someone to talk to and she's brilliant at it; she always cheers me up.
Anyhow, this post has pretty much been a disjointed mess. I'll end on a high note. Today I stumbled across a post on the Gapyear.com forums discussing people who doubted you. When you said you wanted to travel and that you were going to work in Australia, or you were going to save £10,000 and move away, there were always people trying to knock you down. I guess it applies to anything good in life. Maybe it's jealousy. But one poster made my day with this:
"Just SNIP. Smile, nod, ignore, proceed".
Love it.
To end on a song, because quite frankly, music is bloody awesome and the thought that perhaps someone reading this will listen to this song and fall in love with it, well, that's pretty great if you ask me. I love to sing along to this song, and it always makes me smile. I hope you like it too, and I hope you all have a wonderful week.
So it's been a relatively quiet week. Which I suppose is good, stability is good. Royal Wedding tomorrow. I am seriously excited, but then again I am a complete sop. I love my romance and I love Wills and Kate. Really cute couple.
Today Chris and I set about making a list of our top 5 favourite songs. This proved far too difficult, so then we made it top 10. Again, too many songs to miss off. So here we are, at this point in time, my 20 favourite songs. Subject to change (like, every day!) and in no particular order:
Evanescence - My Last Breath
Paul McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed
Jack's Mannequin - Mixed Tape
Jack's Mannequin - Swim
Something Corporate - Konstantine
Daniel Powter - Bad Day
Augustana - Boston
Embrace - I Can't Come Down
Alice Cooper - Poison
Train - Brick by Brick
Lost Prophets - 4AM Forever
Damien Rice - Cannonball
All-American Rejects - Another Heart Calls
Crowded House - Fall At Your Feet
Yellowcard - Lights And Sounds
Death Cab - I Will Follow You Into The Dark
Phil Collins - Something Happened On The Way To Heaven
Coldplay - Fix You
Oasis - Champagne Supernova
Bon Jovi - Always
Honourable Mentions:
Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You
Yellowcard - Gifts And Curses
All 4 One - I Swear
Boys 2 Men - End Of The Road
My Chemical Romance - House Of Wolves
I'd like to look back on this list in a year or two and laugh at how much it's changed.
