Oh how I have neglected you in another desperate strive for 'The One'. And here we are, over a month later, and I come crawling back to you, hoping you'll still be there for me to pick out all these thoughts and feelings that are swirling around in my head. I guess when life is going swimmingly, I don't have the time or the inspiration to blog; it's purely when things start taking a turn for the worse that I find myself needing to write.
I've now been seeing Emma for a couple of months now. We've been on a few proper dates and we've hung out around each other's houses. Today I'm feeling incredibly down, and I'm desperately trying to put my finger on why.
Maybe it's because for the first time since we've been seeing each other, last night, I felt like we made absolutely no progress.
We just watched a couple of films. Which is fine. Just fine. I get that she's exhausted from the medication, but I feel that if I didn't kiss her, we would never kiss. My ideal girl kisses me and comes and snuggles up to me whilst watching Tangled, not the other way round. Great film by the way. Major crush on Rapunzel.
Maybe it's because I seem to have exhausted my repertoire of date ideas and I'm running low on ideas and inspiration, yet things seem to be going at a snail's pace.
Before last night, I had been toying with the idea of asking her where things are going. I mean, things were going perfectly. I'd taken her to a really nice country pub for drinks, we had been to see her second favourite film at a special cinema showing, I'd bought us tickets to see Boyce Avenue, and then when she was in hospital, I brought her a huge bouquet of flowers and spent as much time with her as possible. I've never done anything like this. Sure, I'm a little old-school when it comes to dating but I expected things to go a little quicker and maybe, just maybe, expected her to act a little more interested.
Maybe it's because she's made up with her friend who seems intent on not making things work between us for reasons unknown.
Fuck you, Megan. What's your problem? Until I started dating Emma, you thought I was a great guy, so why all the beef?
Or maybe, it's because I'm doubting whether I can be the guy that Emma wants, and I'm ever-so-slightly doubting whether she can be the girl for me.
I get that the guy is the one who makes most of the moves early on in a relationship. He asks the girl out, he arranges the dates, he pays for everything, he goes in for the kiss. That's cool, I get that. But at some point, the girl has to start coming out of her shell and reciprocating. I feel like less of a man by being the one who kisses her all the time and not the other way round.
But hey, I did just get spanked 6-2 on FIFA 12, so perhaps that is attributing to this melancholic mood.
I guess I need to find out whether she's serious about things. In my eyes, I have three options:
- Keep doing what I'm doing.
- Pull away a little and see if she chases me.
- Ask her where things are going.
And right now, all three seem to have their merits and drawbacks. The strange thing is, until last night, I was as happy as Larry. I was untouchable. But after last night, I just can't stop wondering "Is this actually going to lead to anything?". There's only so long you can go on dating, right?
Oh the lovely world of dating. Women - Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Luke
