Some say I'm burning the candle at both ends.

So this is 2012? As I sit here in the office on a Bank Holiday Monday morning, once again up at stupid o’clock, with just one other person insane/desperate enough to work overtime today, I must say 2012 feels an awful lot like 2011.

Except this year is going to be my year. Not because I think it will be, or because I’m due a good year. No. This is going to be my year because I’m going to bloody well make it my year. I have 9 months until I leave for my travels and in those 9 months I am going to be working like a little bitch to get as much saved as possible. I'm also going to go out, party hard, dance to dubstep (despite harboring an irrational hatred towards it), get smashed, sleep with random women and wake up with some of the most disgusting hangovers known to man. Some say I'm burning the candle at both ends. To those people I say: "Fuck you". Politely, of course.

So as expected, I have a plethora of crazy, exciting ideas for my travels, and trying to fit them into one solid itinerary isn’t easy. Over the next few weeks or so, Martin and I need to decide where we want to go and in what route. I’ve ordered a giant World Map poster for my bedroom wall, and I have this great vision in my head of this poster being covered with post-its and pins and looking proper beastly, although in reality I tend to fail dismally with anything arts and crafts-related. The infamous flowerpot painting of ’08 springs to mind.

New Year’s Eve was… different. What a great time for a club to have a powercut. The music in the main room cut out at 1am and didn't come back on until around 3am, but by that time the only people left in the club were the stupidly drunk and the embarrassingly desperate. I was still there.

It was good to see Peppa though. She looked absolutely gorgeous, better than she’s ever looked. For a moment, I wondered whether I made the right choice by not dating her, but I guess you need some sort of spark and we never had that. But it did lead me to realise that every girl I date gets substantially better looking when we stop seeing each other? That's not fair. I'm looking at you Sarah. What the fuck. Where did those breasts come from? 


So I’ve had some time to mull over my resolutions for 2012 and I think I’ve got a pretty good list coming along.

Stop smoking

I hate this because it is purely for financial reasons. I bloody love smoking and I shall miss my lovely little white cancer-sticks.

Pass my driving test

Because guys who drive are hotter than guys who walk.

Complete my Cert CII and TEFL courses

Get as qualified as possible before I pack up and leave town... just in case.

Learn the art of sealing the deal

The ongoing joke that I am unable to ‘seal the deal’; In short I get a girl home and get her into bed and for one reason or another do not have sex with them, be it overly-drunk, refusal to depart with virginity or wrong time of the month. This affectionately led me to inherit the nickname ‘Captain Cuddles’. So 2012 is the year I get the job done. 

Find a new haircut

Which will more than likely mean ‘Shave head in the hope I look more badass’.

Get out of the UK

Because everyone knows this country is going down the shitter and who doesn't love a chick with an accent.



That should do nicely for now. I may add more as the week goes on, but right now, I just can't take my mind off that god-awful smell in the kitchen. Filth. I hope you all had lovely New Years celebrations and the 50 or so photos you were tagged in the following morning were considerably better than mine. 'Photogenic' is not a word I would use to describe myself.


Much love, 
Luke

I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water...

I'm going to make this an Emma-free post. All I've done the last couple of weeks is think about her and talk about her, so it's time to think and talk about something else. Here's something that's been bothering me for a while.

So every year Sean and I host a massive Chrismukkah party at our house. It's effectively a made-up holiday popularised by The OC (the single greatest TV show ever made) combining Christmas and Hanukkah into one massive super holiday for mixed Jewish and Christian households. Now, we're not Jews, but I guess I'm pretty stingey with money. We're not Christians, but be a fly on the wall during an intense game of Modern Warfare 2 and you will hear plenty of "Oh Jesus Fucking Christ!" or "For God's Sake!". Yeah, that's enough justification for us.

Christmukkah is our biggest party of the year and it pretty much sets the standard for house parties. It's our marquee event and it is pretty epic. This year we plan on really pushing the boat out and sharing the Chrismukkah experience with as many people as possible, and we plan on throwing in some fantastic surprises throughout the night. Just looking at the names that will be on the guestlist this year gets me buzzing: Williams, Zoe, Peppa, Baker, 'She who must not be named', Sarah K, Sarah W, Meg... loads of massive personalities. It promises to really be something special this year.

However, there is one BIG personality left off that list. Arguably the biggest personality of them all.

Annie.

I keep thinking it over in my head, and I get no closer to deciding. Do I invite her to Chrismukkah or not?

Here's some pros and cons.

Reasons to invite Annie to Chrismukkah

• She's very popular. 
• She's beautiful.
• She's friends with Sean.
• She leaves for Oz a few weeks later, so this will be her last house party.
• I wouldn't want her to leave on a sour note.
• She was a big part of my life.
• She makes lovely cakes.
• I already told her at the BBQ that she could come.
• She will wear a low cut top and have her fake breasts hanging out all over the place.

Reasons NOT to invite Annie to Chrismukkah

• She still walks around like it's her house.
• I wouldn't feel comfortable spending time with 'She who must not be named' when Annie was in the room.
• She doesn't drink because of the calories.
• She usually expects to sleep here.
• She moans (in general, not in bed).
• She always manages to piss me off somehow.
• I don't enjoy her company.
• I wouldn't want Peppa to feel uncomfortable.
• My closest friends (Peppa, Shepps, Martin) don't like her.
• I don't like her.
• She will wear a low cut top and have her fake breasts hanging out all over the place.

Quite the predicament. Can I really not invite Annie to Chrismukkah? Do I have it in me not to invite her? She's been a fixture of our house parties since the start; trying to imagine one without her is difficult. She would be crushed. But then again, could the absence of Annie be a blessing? Could it unleash me from my metaphorical shackles? To be able to mingle, kiss and sleep with guests without fear of upsetting the ex-fiancee... that sounds ideal. It's my party and I'll have sex if I want to!

Dilemma...

...Dilemma...

...Emma...

...Emma beeped at me on the way to work this morning. She looked pretty...

Luke