Today is going to be a good day.

It’s Saturday morning and I’m gearing up for a session of mammoth proportions tonight. To put things into perspective, I’ve worked every Saturday since JFK was shot and it is a well-known fact that my alcohol consumption of recent weeks has been well below standard. So tonight, I’m going to go out and get absolutely bloody mortal. Just as long as I can squeeze in a power nap beforehand. It’s Saturday night, let’s go and regret something.

It’s Valentine’s Day soon. In more interesting news, I just had a boiled egg.

In all seriousness, Valentine’s is a day to shower your special someone with expensive shiny things. Unfortunately, due to the restraining order, I can’t get my gifts to Aiden Grimshaw, so I’ll have to just treat myself. I could do with a new hoody (in hindsight I shouldn’t have been a cheapskate and bought the cheap imitation Harvard hoody and just plumped for a decent quality one), but knowing me, I’ll treat myself to a Double Steakhouse Angus.

And for the 5 minutes it takes me to eat that, I will be happier than any of these dozey couples.

So travelling is the flavour of the month. We’ve been quoted around £1700 for our flights, and here’s a very brief summary of the latest itinerary:

Sept 15^th: London >>> Boston

(Overland to Miami)

Oct 15^th : Miami >>> Bangkok (via Los Angeles)

(Overland to Singapore)

Dec 15^th: Singapore >>> Sydney

Then it ends. After Christmas and New Years in Sydney. I have absolutely no idea where life will take me. In an ideal world, I’ll meet a beautiful, blonde, bikini-clad Aussie and fall helplessly and hopelessly in love and live in a little beach hut in Australia for the rest of our lives. But I’d settle for a half-decent job in Oz and a good tan.

Or I could pay a cute, impressionable American chick a couple grand for a sham marriage and US Citizenship.

Of course I’m joking…

I don’t want to come back to Medway. Things might change, but right now I have nothing but my wonderfully huge family in Medway. And my Jack’s Mannequin Vinyls. Shit. But with all due respect to my family and the Mannequin, I have to find my own way and I know that Medway isn’t a place I want to grow old and senile in. 

I am absolutely buzzing for America. I’ve only ever been to Boston and I bloody loved it. I can’t wait to work my way down that east coast, staying in cheap hostels and motels and going to seedy bars. Originally the plan was to go from East to West but I just don’t think we could do it justice in that short space of time, so we’re sticking to the East, So if any of my American readers have any personal recommendations, tips, warnings, or a spare bed or couch, I’m all ears.

It’s abit gutting that it doesn’t look like we’ll be tackling the west coast. Especially since I found this little beaut.

http://www.seeing-stars.com/OC/

I even picked out a nice little hostel near Redondo Beach so I could go have Pancakes at the Pier Diner and see the Bait Shop. Absolutely gutted.

So it’s 10am, I’m in an eerily quiet office having a one-man silent rave to The Smiths, contemplating going out for my third cigarette of the day. Today is going to be a good day. For no other reason than I would like it to be a good day.

Much love,

Luke

With Glowing Hearts We See Thee Rise

My three-day weekend has now become a one-day weekend. There was supposed to be no system availability on Saturday. I was supposed to have Monday off as Annual Leave. This is a travesty. I have become totally unable to turn down double-rate overtime. My God, what has happened to me?!! 

"In Becks We Believe".

We have however organised our next big night out. Having completely exhausted Pub Golf, I was entasked with thinking up a genius new idea for a night out. Something ground-breaking. Something Medway hadn't experienced before. 

Pub Snooker.

This is very similar to Pub Golf in that it is a pub crawl with a scorecard. 

At each pub one must consume two beverages: a red and then a colour. For example, a pint of snake bite for the red and then any other colour.

List of available drinks:

RED (1 point) - any alcoholic drink of your choice
YELLOW (2 points) - White wine, larger, cider, vodka red bull, vodka orange
GREEN (3 points)- Apple Sours, Vodka & lime,
BROWN (4 points)- Baileys, Ale, B52
BLUE (5 points) - Blue WKD
PINK (6 points) - Pink Champagne, Pink Rose, Fruli
BLACK (7 points) - Guinness, Black Sambuca

So I now have our next big night out planned for Shepp's 21st. I may make it my Stag night again. I've already had two stag nights. Leigh and I tend to agree at the start of the night who is the Stag and who is the best man, and we get everyone in on the act. We tell the bar staff it's my Stag Do so I get free drinks throughout the night, and we tell women it's my Stag Do because for some reason women want what they can't have and they always try it on with the Stag or his best man. 

Is this slightly pervy? Maybe. Does it work? You bet it does. Try it one night. Pretend it's your Stag Do or your Hen night and see how much more attention you get from the opposite sex. 

If only I had this man's charisma. It would be legen.... wait for it... dary!!

I want to see 'Limitless'. I'm behind in terms of films. Films I still need to watch:

Shawshank Redemption,

Fight Club,

Green Mile,

Donnie Darko,

Napoleon Dynamite,

Casablanca,

Toy Story 3.

But it's okay because I have watched Cinderella Story, Ella Enchanted, Just Like Heaven, Raise Your Voice and Lesbian Vampire Killers. 

Seriously, I should be shot. 

Is Casablanca worth watching now? I'm a sucker for a romantic film, but have I missed the boat on this one?

So there I am, again thinking about travelling, minding my own business. I'm thinking about Australia, and then America, and then I began looking at entry requirements for emigration to both of them. And then all of a sudden POW!... This happens. 

Skilled worker self-assessment

Total point score

Your final score is: 69

Here is the breakdown of your total score:

Factor		Maximum Points	Your Score
1	Education	25	15
2	Language Ability	24	18
3	Work Experience	21	21
4	Age	10	10
5	Arranged Employment	10	0
6	Adaptability	10	5
Total Score		100	69

Pass mark

The pass mark as of September 18, 2003 is 67.

Did you pass?

If your mark from this test is the same or higher than the current pass mark, you may qualify to immigrate as a skilled worker.

If your mark is lower than the pass mark, you might not qualify to immigrate as a skilled worker at this time.

However, if you believe there are other factors that would help you to become economically established in Canada, you may still apply.

Send a detailed letter with your application explaining what these factors are and why they may help you successfully establish yourself in Canada.

Include any documents that support your claim.

_______________

In the words of Monica Geller, "It just got interesting!"

Luke

Buzzing

HEY! It's not all negative!

Yesterday I amazed even myself. I smiled, I nodded, I ignored and I proceeded. SNIP. Under unimaginable frustration. Let me explain.

--- RANT BEGINS HERE ---

My housemate is a domestic nightmare. Or maybe I am just a domestic Goddess. Regardless, last week I specifically asked Sean to make sure he was free on Tuesday the 26th as the landlord was coming round to fix the cupboard in the kitchen and I couldn't be in as it was my Brother's Birthday. At midday, he emailed me asking what time the landlord was due, as his mates were going to the cinema that evening and he wanted to join them. I told him the earliest I could possibly be back would be 7pm, so he just needed to watch the house from 6 til 7 and then he could go. This meant I had less than an hour round my parents for my younger Brother's Birthday. But hey. SNIP.

I got home at 7pm to find Sean in the living room with Chris and Si, just waiting there for me to get back. The landlord was on his own in the kitchen. Did anyone not ever teach Sean to offer guests a cup of tea? How about friendly small talk? ESPECIALLY the friggin' Landlord. But hey. SNIP.

After around three hours of hard grafting and some serious bonding, the Landlord and I were all done in the kitchen. I cleaned, I put the dishwasher on, I swept the floors and took out the rubbish. Sean got in from the cinema and sat on the sofa on his laptop. He also completely ruined the perfectly placed cushions on the sofa. THEY ARE PURELY DECORATIVE, they are not for sitting on! But hey. SNIP.

So I get up this morning to find that not only has Sean NOT emptied the pedal bin in the bathroom full of empty contact lens packets, but he has now started putting the empty packets ON TOP of the bin. But hey. SNIP.

--- RANT ENDS HERE ---

A year ago, I would have said something to him for any of the above instances. But with just ten months until I leave him to fend for himself, I really don't care. Ten months and I will be out of here and he will never find a more dedicated, knowledgeable housemate than me. I spent half an hour chatting with my Mum about travelling last night, and I also found out my company has offices in Adelaide, Sydney and Melbourne which makes significantly improves my prospects of getting a decent job in the Insurance field in Australia. I'm in the kind of mood right now that I really couldn't care who does what or what happens over the next ten months. I am literally wishing them away; I want next Summer to come around so quickly!

I like to use the word 'Buzzing'. Vickie, one of my housemates at University in Liverpool used to use this word all the time; it's not something we use alot in the South East. I wonder how Vickie is getting on. She was the kind of girl who I would not fuck with. In a fight, you would want her on your side, that's for sure!

My Top 5 Favourite Things Right Now:

5 - The fixed kitchen cupboard. And it's clean!
4 - The fact my hair is growing at record speeds.
3 - Ella coming home from Brasil earlier than expected.
2 - My new Underwear - Greatest. Fit. Ever.
1 - WWE Wrestling.

Yes, wrestling is numero uno right now. I have always been a huge wrestling fan, having watched WCW from 1996 until closure, and then WWF/E onwards, and I will go on record to say that I have not enjoyed watching wrestling this much since 1999. To put it bluntly, right now, WWE is shit hot.

I am looking forward to watching Beaver Falls tonight on E4. Three British lads on a Summer Camp in the USA; it sounds like the perfect show. I can see it being American Pie meets 90210. It's always nice to have new shows on TV.

My Top Favourite People Right Now:

5 - Anna, the bakery girl. Because bread products are my joint-favourite type of food along with dairy. I hope she comes home smelling of freshly baked bread. That's the greatest smell in the world.
4 - Diana and Julia, who I like to call my Charlie's Angels. Except I'm not Charlie. Pfft. Technicalities. I love all my Comments I get on my posts, so thank you so much!
3 - Martin - Because he is my fellow muscle-head, my best mate, my Broski and the only person who will embrace the fact that the gay bar is in fact crawling with beautiful single straight women and the pints are the best in town.
2 - Pixie Lott - Have you seen her new video? Wow. I would eat a whole coconut to spend a night with her. And my God I HATE coconut. I'd even drink the milk inside. Of the coconut.
1 - CM Punk - Single-handedly rekindled my love affair with Wrestling. An absolute hero right now.


"Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?"
Am I allowed to say David Hasselhoff?

I don't know who she is. I mean, I can imagine who I want her to be (Pixie Lott), how she acts (slightly loopy, nymphomaniac), what she looks like (short blonde hair, cute grin, size 10), how she speaks (South African), but to borrrow a line from the charismatic enigma that is Michael Buble, "I just haven't met you yet". I've never met a blonde South African. Do they exist?

Do black Chinese people exist for that matter?

I am optimistic that I will have my laptop back by the weekend, which means my formatting, spelling and use of super cool images in my blog will be back to the exceptionally high standards that I set in... well... never. But pictures are fun. I'm working an 8-hour overtime shift on Saturday followed by 3 hours system testing on Sunday, which I believe will take my overtime total for July to 38 hours of double-time. That's 22 hours more than I need to do. I think I have an addiction to overtime.

"Hi, my name's Luke and I am a Workoholic".

"HI LUKE!!"

I guess it keeps me off the beer and puts money in the pockets. In the last year I have given up smoking, caffeine, dubstep and, apparently, sex, so I guess something had to give.


Luke

Standards

Monday mornings are always such a chore.

I am still without my laptop. This is getting seriously frustrating. There's a pretty good possibility that I'll need to buy a new one, which really isn't something I needed right now, 10 months away from travelling. Unfortunately, I have no choice; I need a laptop for Skype, for Blogging and for planning out my travels, booking flights etc. So I'm probably looking at around £300 for a basic laptop which means management can expect to see me in the office every Saturday for the foreseeable future.

I am planning on writing a big post as soon as I can detailing all my travel plans. It would be nice to see everything laid out neatly in one post rather than scribbled across two notebooks. I need to start piecing things together over the next few months, for example, I have realised the Hostel I want to stay in for Christmas and New Years 2012 in Sydney ('Wake Up' Hostel) fills up around 9 months in advance. Good job I checked! I think most of my plans will really kick in after Chrismukkah and the New Year, and I'll need to get routes sorted, flights booked and then start the painful process of trying to talk to Sean about the house. I wonder if he thinks I'm serious about travelling yet. If only he could see this Blog!

I also need to do a budget post. Savings are going very well at the moment and I am way ahead of schedule, but this could all change if the overtime dried up. Fortunately, there has been double-rate overtime available almost without fail since I started on the Claims team, which means if I continue working at my current rate, I'm probably looking at around £2000 above budget. This means I can finish my driving lessons and have a big chunk left over to use as a cushion for when I go travelling. Things are going well, I have been saving for 8 months now and it has been alot easier than I anticipated. I guess when you really set your heart on something, beer and designer clothes don't seem so important anymore. The toughest part is explaining to people that you can't go out and not being able to use "I'm saving to go travelling" as a reason (because most people don't know and I'd rather Management didn't find out). You have to be a tad creative with your excuses after a while. "I'm having my Parents round for dinner". "I'm on a hot date". "I need to get up early in the morning and do the gardening before the landlord comes over". It's not easy staying in when everyone else is out, but it feels fantastic not waking up with a hangover. All of a sudden, my Sunday has become a very productive day!

Anyhow, lots of travel stuff on it's way.

Expecting Annie round this week. I've heard this before.

I just want to get it out the way. I just want to be able to say "Annie, I'm going to see Ella in Boston". And that's it. And she says "OK, that's cool!". I'd even settle with "Well, I'm a little disappointed, but if that's what you want, go for it". Unfortunately, I can only see the conversation going one of two ways. Either she will launch into a tirade of abuse followed by how upset and angry she is, and then proceed to one-up me by doing something to royally piss me off, or she will shrug, say "OK" and then leave without comment. Either way, I can't see her taking me on an ASDA Dark Chocolate run anytime soon.

So, at the pub last week with Martin I updated my list of 'Women I am in love with'. As of 25/07/2011, it reads:

Pixie Lott,
The girl who works at the bakery (I have named her 'Anna'),
The girl who works at the Prince of Wales pub (I knew her name once, Sarah maybe?),
Ella,
Alex Hammond from Sky Sports News.

Any of these women could make an honest man of me. I don't ask for alot. Just accept the fact that when football is on TV, I will be watching it. They call it 'Super Sunday' for a reason. Please also accept the fact that, at times, I will get frustrated at something (DIY, Xbox, painting plant pots and egg cups) and I will metaphorically throw my toys out of the pram. Just leave me be, and within ten minutes I will be fine. And finally, please accept the fact that, although I love cuddles, I will infact always sleep facing away from you (on the side of the bed closest to the door in order to potentially fend of mauraders). This is not because I don't enjoy the cuddles, I just need to be able to stretch my legs out and have one of them outside the duvet to keep me cool (I like to call that 'The Thermostat').

Hmmm... Random ramblings incoming... Let's go!

High Standards.

I don't think I have them. Compared to my friends, yes I probably do. In fact, I would say Sean and I are the only people in our social circle who have any sort of standards. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a shallow person. I don't think I would be writing a Blog if I was. I just think that you need to be attracted to someone in order to have a strong relationship. I guess I just couldn't ever imagine telling a girl how beautiful she looked and not meaning it, unless of course I'm very drunk on a night out and I'm after a one-night stand.

Unfortunately the best looking people also seem to be the most shallow. I've met very few gorgeous women who I can actually have an intellectual conversation with. I think I could count them on one hand. Wait. Yep. 2. Laura W and Ella.

Maybe I'm asking for too much. I get bored very easily, especially with ordinary looking girls. Until I met Annie, I always used to think I had commitment problems, and now I'm beginning to wonder if my standards are indeed too high. Don't get me wrong, I have a rather odd taste in women. I don't care for Angelina, Britney, Christina or any of your typical cookie-cutter choices. I like a girl to look unique. I love the little quirks, whether it be the hair, a scar, a cute mole or a chipped tooth. There has to be something that sets them apart from everyone else. I used to love when Annie would put purple in her hair, or shave part of it. Take Sarah K for instance, my housemate's other half. By all accounts, I am supposed to believe she is 'smoking hot'. Sure, she's slim, she has fantastic breasts and she has good skin, but then again, on any given night in any given club I could find a dozen girls who are just the same.

Quirky. That's what I want from a girl. I want her to look quirky, I want her to act quirky, and I want her to be completely unique. I don't want to be talking about what the weather is like, or how work has been. I don't want to hear about why management want you to remove your cactus from your office desk. I want to be chatting about what kind of superhero power you would have if you had the choice, or what animal you would be? If you won the lottery, what would you buy with your winnings? Would you live in a castle or a mansion? I'd like to sit with my girlfriend and spend a whole night planning out our own Zombie Contingency Plan, and then draw it up on a PDF and print it off. Just incase.

Ultimately, it boils down to the question - Am I asking for too much?

Luke

AWOL

Day 3 without my laptop. This life of FIFA and Man vs Food is actually not half bad. So this week has dragged incredibly, and even though I write this on Thursday morning, I still see no light at the end of the tunnel. I am working another 8-hour Overtime shift on Saturday, which effectively means another 1-day weekend. Sunday is Papa's Birthday, so I am relying on Discount Supplements to provide me with much-needed inspiration and next-day delivery. Typically, my Dad would get a tube of pringles and a cheap bottle of Hock and he would be over the moon with that, but I'm thinking this year I'll get him something gym-related. Having 8 Brothers and Sisters has it's downfalls; I dread to think how much I shell out over the course of the year on Birthdays and at Christmas.

 

Which reminds me, Sean and I finally found the time to watch another episode of The OC last night. And lo and behold, it was a Chrismukkah episode! This got us thinking about Chrismukkah this year and how we can beat last year's effort. If you were not aware, Chrismukkah is the hybrid holiday that combines the best that Christianity (Christmas) and Judaism (Hannukah) have to offer. It's typically for mixed Jewish and Christian families, however due to our ludicrous obsession with anything Orange County, we celebrate it in our humble abode. Last year was our first ever Chrismukkah party and it went down like a storm. This year needs to be bigger, better, and with an extra helping of Chrismukkah miracle.

 

So I am expecting a visit from Annie tonight. I need to tell her I'm going to Boston in September. I'm torn. With regards to her food and eating, she naturally has 'good' days and 'bad' days. I know 100% that this will anger her, so I'm debating whether it's best to tell her on a good day or a bad day. I can't seem to decide, so I think I'll just tell her this evening, because she needs to know. If she finds out through someone else, she'll be even more angry. Sometimes I wish I didn't care what other people think.

 

So, this evening should be a barrell of laughs. Good job I have Big Bang Theory to watch post-Annie.

 

I have been tasked by Ella to write up a list of things I want to do when I'm in Boston. So far, I have:

 

Sex,

Cuddles, 

Beer.

 

I'd like to see her reaction when I turn up in Boston with these three things scribbled on a Post-It. I need to check to see what's on tap for the arenas in Boston and find out if any of my favourite US bands are playing, because if Jack's Mannequin are performing, I'll be there like swim wear.

 

 

 

--- Next Day ---

 

Annie didn't show. I should have expected this. After all, I'm always second to whatever else she has planned. So the anticipated fireworks failed to materialise, which is a shame because I was psyched and ready to unleash this particular torpedo of truth. I still have no laptop, which is frustrating. I am writing this post on my work computer, during work hours, because this Fees work is so damn boring. I sure do miss reading people's Blogs and I'm hoping I haven't missed any life-changing revelations.

 

Last night was tough. I woke up at around 3am with horrific heart palpatations and breathlessness. My heart beat felt so irregular and I was genuinely worried. It took me 45 very uncomfortable minutes to get back to sleep and I came very close to getting up and going downstairs, pouring a Decaff and catching up on Destination X. Nope, that's not a dodgy porno, it's a wrestling PPV. Yep, I still watch wrestling.

 

Earlier in the week I started working out some figures and sums, and at this moment in time, my savings are around £750 ahead of schedule. This is flipping fantastic considering I have already paid for my flights to Boston. This month I have smashed the overtime again (27hours of double-time after Saturday with 2 more weekends to go this calendar month) so I have a nice cushion in case the overtime dries up. Here is my master plan. Right now I am studying for my next CII Insurance Qualification. I am aiming to complete the remaining two exams I need to get this qualification by the end of the year, which means I want to get the one I am currently studying for passed by the end of September. Then, in the new year I will start my driving lessons again (having already done 40 hours or so) and aim to pass my driving test by the end of March. That gives me 2 months (April and May) to tie up all the loose ends and sell all my belongings.

 

I have a collection of WCW Videos in my loft, probably around 20. I don't want to sell them. Granted, they are worth at least £100, but they are my babies! If I have to sell them, I think I will cry. Macho, manly tears.

 

 

 

 

 Luke