I've been on a downer today. Well, all week in fact. Today I woke up hungover and regretting my actions of last night, and my heart was pounding so I'm heading to the doctors tomorrow morning. I just want to be back to normal. I want to go to the gym. I want to get up stupidly early on a Saturday morning for my overtime. I want to power nap my way through the next year, and I want to drink proper coffee again!
I watched one of my favourite films this evening. I think everyone has got a film which they love, despite the film flopping or being universally panned by critics. Chances are you would never have heard of 'Boys and Girls'. It was released in 2000 and stars Freddie Prinze Jr. and Claire Forlani, and it's basically your standard romcom: Ryan (Prinze Jr.) and Jennifer (Forlani) become best mates, end up sleeping together, Ryan falls for Jennifer, Jennifer doesn't want to let anyone in, yadda yadda ya and they all live happily ever after. Now, I absolutely LOVE this film. I remember watching this the summer before Uni (which we shall dub the 'Ella' Summer), and it got me really excited to be a student, living in dorms and meeting new people. The film basically painted the picture of exactly what I wanted University to be like. I remember having the film on VHS, and watching it every night as I drifted off to sleep because it was always the video left in my VHS player, and at that time I couldn't sleep without the TV on.
It just cheers me right up. There are a few stand-out moments for me. Jennifer's speech in the coffee shop always gets me.
"We've all been in love, but we never know it's not true love until it's over. So what if maybe there is no one or two or three or four or five? I mean, what if there is no such thing as true love, and we're just too afraid to admit it, so we keep on dressing up, we keep on pretending to be something that we're not. We keep turning our lives upside down, losing ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think that we are. What if that something that we're looking for just doesn't exist?"
Good shout. How many times do we go through the motions of becoming infatuated with someone, spending incredible amounts of time and effort on someone who isn't the 'one'? What if the 'one' isn't out there for me? What if that 'perfect' person doesn't actually exist? Eventually, everyone ends up with someone, right? How many of these middle-aged couples are with their 'soulmates', and how many have just settled with what they can get? Settled for convenience? I'd like to think I will never ever settle for anything other than perfect, but you have to think that so many people must.
When I watch this film, it always reminds me of my life back then. This was five years ago. I had my whole life planned out. I had my 'Ella' summer, which was amazing, and then I was off to Uni, ready to go get my degree. And now, five years down the line, I'm sitting here on a Sunday evening writing a blog about that time. Life is nothing like I anticipated.
Five years ago, after Ella went home, I was wishing away my life, just dying to get out of Medway and get to Uni. To start a new life and to reinvent myself. And here I am, wishing away my life, just dying to get out of Medway. Again, I have no idea what I want to do or where I want to be, but I know it's not here. I've wished away the last 6 months of my life and I fully intend to wish away the next 9 months or so.
So anyways, there's always a silver lining. I have booked off my annual leave for Boston in September (Rosh Hashana, apparently!) so on Tuesday I'll book up my flights, and I am really SUPER excited about that. Five years ago, I may or may not have been in love with Ella. And now, well, I'm back where I started. She was saving up to come over and see me, and now I'm saving up to go over and see her. It's strange how things have turned out.
Well, here's to the next five years. I'm sure it will bring me almost nothing of what I predict it will bring me. But hey, it's all about the journey, not the destination. After all, it's just a ride!
Luke
Hang in friend - the climb is always worth the view.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't think your a soppy git at all, men who have the ability to feel as you do are special and rare, like a diamond. Don't ever apologize for being as sweet as you are. xo
Diana - You're the diamond. Your comments always make me smile. Thank you, it's much appreciated :) x
ReplyDeleteYou are too sweet. Thank you. It makes me happy to know that I'm spreading smiles.
ReplyDelete