Time is moving far too quickly.

Since the holiday, all I've felt like doing is driving. Now I have my car, I tend to look for any opportunity to go for a drive. I love it. I love winding down the windows, driving as the sun is setting and playing Jack's Mannequin obnoxiously loud, as if to tell the passer-bys "Yes, this is proper music!". I'm spending so little time at the house these days, it barely feels like home. It almost feels like a graveyard. A metaphorical carcass that was Luke and Annie. Despite repainting, redecorating, rearranging and refurbishing, I still walk around and remember the past. From the shocking red paint on the archway leading to the kitchen, to the Welsh dresser, to the horrible brown bookcase which you used to keep in your bedroom, it's all memories. At times, it feels like I'm walking around plane wreckage, it's amazing how the place has fallen apart. Some say you never truly get over your first love. I don't believe that. But I do believe you'll never truly forget those feelings or those memories, however hard you try. 

So I woke up today feeling downright miserable. Empty. And I can't work out why. This feeling of melancholy has been getting stronger each day since the holiday. On paper, I have everything I could ever want: A good job, a nice car, money in the bank and a beautiful girlfriend. My anxiety has been alot better recently and, although still on the Propranolol, I feel like I'm learning to live with this. Those little flutters I get from time to time scare me less as each day goes by. So what's missing?

 

As much as it pains me to say it, as I'm genuinely a very positive and upbeat person, I can't help but feel that there's got to be more to life than what I'm doing right now. I've been living in the same town more or less all my life, and at 24 years of age now, I almost feel like it's 'do or die' time. Of course, last year and the start of this year was all about travelling. It was this insatiable urge to get out and go somewhere, live somewhere else, travel and see the world. This globe is so stupidly huge, it would be foolish for one to be limited to just a small town. 

 

Of course, now I've met Grace, we've been together for three months and things are fantastic. She's everything I want in a girl and I love her to bits. She's off to University in September, and chances are she will be studying locally. This means that for the next four years, assuming things with Grace are going swimmingly, I am tied down to Kent. This scares me. The thought of staying in Kent until I am 28. I don't see a time when I'm ever going to be able to see the world with Grace; it's not particularly high on her 'to-do' list and I wouldn't want to drag her away from her career anyway.

The truth is, at 24 years old, I feel like my time to be young and foolish is quickly running out. Pretty soon, I'm not going to be able to make big decisions and big mistakes because they will surely be too costly, what with a mortgage, family, career etc. What I want, what I REALLY want, is to get out of the UK. I've always wanted this, but having spent my savings on a holiday, a car and the year's insurance, I am starting from scratch. It's going to take me a year or more to save enough money to get away.

 

And I think that's why I'm feeling miserable. Once upon a time, a girl was enough to make me happy. Now, I need more. I need direction, I need excitement, I need adventure. Time is moving far too quickly. 

So I'm driving home from the gym this evening listening to The Glass Passenger, and I had the CD playing that came alongside the vinyl version of the album. So I'm cruising along and all of a sudden this song comes on I haven't heard before. Turns out there's a BONUS TRACK called 'Miss California'! You should have seen how excited I was. I was listening to it and grinning like a Cheshire cat, and all of a sudden everything in  my life was perfect. The sun was shining, the hair was looking good, the roads were clear and I was listening to brand new Jack's Mannequin. Electric. 

I'm toying with getting a tattoo soon. I'd love to get something 'Swim' related, as it is probably my favourite song of all time, the inspiration for my Blog title and some of the most beautiful lyrics you'll ever hear. Then I happened to tumble across this (pun totally intended):

http://fuckyeahjmsocotattoos.tumblr.com/

So much inspiration. I definitely want to get the asterisk somewhere, and possibly something 11:11 related. Below are a few of my favourites. Would love to know what you guys think, and if you have any tattoos. 

I hope you're all well. 

Luke

x