Love Will Tear Us Apart

And at the end, when the dust has settled, he always gets the girl.

I mean, that's the destination, is it not? Finding love. Finding the elusive 'One'. All you need is love, right Mr Lennon?

I haven't dated for over a year. I've put my love life on hold and have restricted myself to the most casual of flings. I've been quite content not dating. The majority of girls I've met over the last year have proved to be shallow and mostly uninteresting. But now, all of a sudden someone has sparked a fire inside me that I haven't felt for a long time. The raw, primitive drive to get the girl. For the first time in over a year (bar one unfortunate misadventure), I'm genuinely excited. For the first time in so long, I want to take this person out for a nice seafood dinner.

I almost forgot what it felt like to be fascinated by someone. To be hanging off their every word. The more I learn about her, the more I want to learn. Except for the Twilight thing. Hate that.

I'm still fully aware this girl is probably out of reach for me. I'm also fully aware that she could very well turn out to be a disaster waiting to happen. A heart-breaker, a home-wrecker, anything like that. That's fine. Despite whatever rubbish my mind spews out in this blog, on the surface I am keeping cool, calm and collected.

I just can't shake the feeling that I have to choose one or the other: Dating or Travelling.

I'm worried if I open myself up to someone, I'll fall for them. And then I won't travel. I'll go back into the 'bubble'. The thought of falling for someone has never been so terrifying. Having religiously saved for 8 months straight, I'm half-way there. If I let someone in now, I'll take my eye off the ball. I know I will.

All I ever wanted as a teenager was to fall in love. Now, I'm debating whether that's enough for me. I want to travel. I want to date.

Unfortunately, I can't have my cake and eat it.

This is the first girl I've met that I genuinely believe that, should things continue to go the way they have been the last few days, I could see myself falling for her. The million-pound question is: Do I let things continue? Or do I cut her out now before anything could ever materialise?

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don't know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter.”

Luke