Filler

So it's been a relatively quiet week. Which I suppose is good, stability is good. Royal Wedding tomorrow. I am seriously excited, but then again I am a complete sop. I love my romance and I love Wills and Kate. Really cute couple.

Today Chris and I set about making a list of our top 5 favourite songs. This proved far too difficult, so then we made it top 10. Again, too many songs to miss off. So here we are, at this point in time, my 20 favourite songs. Subject to change (like, every day!) and in no particular order:

Evanescence - My Last Breath

Paul McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed

Jack's Mannequin - Mixed Tape

Jack's Mannequin - Swim

Something Corporate - Konstantine

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Augustana - Boston

Embrace - I Can't Come Down

Alice Cooper - Poison

Train - Brick by Brick

Lost Prophets - 4AM Forever

Damien Rice - Cannonball

All-American Rejects - Another Heart Calls

Crowded House - Fall At Your Feet

Yellowcard - Lights And Sounds

Death Cab - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Phil Collins - Something Happened On The Way To Heaven

Coldplay - Fix You

Oasis - Champagne Supernova

Bon Jovi - Always

Honourable Mentions:

Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You

Yellowcard - Gifts And Curses

All 4 One - I Swear

Boys 2 Men - End Of The Road

My Chemical Romance - House Of Wolves

I'd like to look back on this list in a year or two and laugh at how much it's changed. 

Slow news day, eh? :)

Kacie - Thanks for the image ;)

Luke

Disappointed

Ella isn't coming down until December.

HOW DISAPPOINTING.

My head is littered with questions...

• What am I going to do until December?
• Why have I got so excited about her coming down?
• Why do I always do this to myself?
• What makes me think that this has any chance of ever being anything more than friendship and sex?
• Why does she have to live in Boston?
• Why can't I live in Boston?
• WHY IS MY HAIR SO UNMANAGEABLE!!?

I was looking forward to a nice optimistic, uplifting blog post this evening. 

Sometimes being an idealist sucks. Sometimes I wish I didn't believe that there was such thing as a perfect love, or a perfect relationship. I look at my friends, they seem content. Either content being single, or content with their partner. Why can't I be content? On paper, I have so much. So many people seem so happy just existing, just getting along in life. Why am I the person who always wants something better, something special, something perfect? Why can't I just be happy in the house with Sean with the good job I have? 

Ella and I have been talking every night. Chances are one of us will meet someone in the next 7 months (although I pray I don't, I want to go travelling!!) so I don't know what will happen. But right now, I'd like to look back at the last couple of weeks and think "Man, that girl put that Cheshire cat grin back on my face." 

"Losing your heart's desire is tragic, but gaining your heart's desire is all you can wish for. So if that's tragic, then give me tragedy!"

Luke

Ella

I might get to see her in the next month or so.

I'M SO EXCITED!!

I know Annie won't be happy though. Annie and I have been getting on really well recently, and we had a lovely ASDA run last night (I love ASDA so so much). But I am absolutely buzzing for Ella, I can't wait to see her again, albeit under unfortunate circumstances. We had a lovely mammoth Skype session last night which was brilliant; we just chatted about rubbish (Morphsuits, women's clothes, South Park etc).

So here's where it gets a tad messy. Naturally, I'm there for Annie when she needs me, and boy does she need me right now. When we were a couple, she stopped me from talking to Ella. Ella was the first girl I ever had feelings for, and she had to go back to the States so we both stayed relatively at arms length. I guess Annie always believed that had Ella not gone back home, we would have still been together. Maybe she was right, who knows. The point is, I always believed I had commitment problems up until I met Ella. She was the first girl I could see myself being with for a long time. She was fun, sexy, intelligent, everything I ever wanted and more. Then of course there's Annie, who I fell for BIG time for completely different reasons. Apart from Ella and Annie, any girl I've ever dated does not compare. I lose interest very quickly. Everyone except Annie and Ella.

So if Ella does come down, I'm going to need to tell Annie this, and she's not going to take it well. I guess maybe she feels it's abit disrespectful that I'm seeing her when I stopped talking to her for Annie all those years ago. Behind the blonde hair and fake boobs, Annie is a very insecure person, and this is going to really grind on her. But then again, she's been known to show a complete disregard for my feelings in the past, and I do so much for her.

Regardless of any tantrums she throws, I really can't wait to see Ella and since yesterday it's put me in such a fantastic mood. I may be getting ahead of myself, there's a chance she won't be able to come over on account of her exams, but I'm optimistic. I worry so much about little things, and I'm a big thinker, but on the flipside I get super excited about things. One extreme to the other. I wish I was abit more relaxed at times, but it's a good feeling when you're eagerly anticipating something.

Overtime again on Saturday and Monday which takes me up to 50 hours for the month of April which is a ridiculous achievement. That payslip is going to be epic.

And I think a special mention to the parents, who celebrate their 33rd Wedding Anniversary today. What an astonishing achievement, I envy that! My parents are bloody awesome and I have no doubt they will last the next 33 years.

Luke

Empty

That's what I'm running on.

Well, that and ALOT of caffeine.

I've just treated myself to a Tesco Value Cheese pizza, and Tesco Value garlic bread. Yes, treated. I also bought a pack of 10 menthol cigarettes. I know I gave up on New Years, but I've been smoking socially recently and I know I can go without cigarettes. But I want one. I'm doing my wonderful 11-hour shifts at work again this week, along with 8 hours on Saturday morning. So by the end of this week, I would have already worked 34 hours of double-time in April. I'm pretty sure I'm heading for some sort of psychological meltdown, at least that's what Ben says. I'm not, I'm just determined to get as much cash saved as possible. It's not like I have much else to do in the evenings! FIFA, Annie, and planning travelling.

I think I deserve a cigarette. Don't you? It's cheaper than a beer, so why is it less socially acceptable than a beer?

I was thinking today whether I actually have it in me to go travelling on my own. I think I have. But I know as it gets closer and closer I'll become more worried and restless. I'm thinking of this as challenging myself. I'm going out of my comfort zone, and I think if I can do this, I'll be better off because of it. I'm going to miss my parents and family loads though. I have the most awesome family in the world, and I'm going to be on the other side of the world, so it's going to be difficult, but I'm sure I'll make friends and get used to being on my own. I like to think I'm pretty independent and since the break-up, I've got used to keeping myself to myself. I'm not dating at all, I have no intention of dating. I'm quite happy on my own right now. Sex would be nice. Casual sex. In my experience, it's never just casual though. One person always wants more, which is a damn shame.

I've got it in me to do this. I know I have. I've got it in me to do anything.

A certain Lucas Scott once told me:

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments will define us for the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief. And beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead."


I think I'll run with this :)




Luke

Hangover

Man, sometimes I wonder whether it's worth it. I mean, at the time, 6 black Sambucas in half an hour sounded like a great idea. Maybe I'm getting old. I'm 23 now, and it feels like these hangovers are getting worse and worse as the years go by.

Unsurprisingly, I haven't had a great deal of time to plan anymore of my travels this weekend. Aaron's BBQ was absolutely fantastic yesterday afternoon, and I think we all got abit teary when they bashed out the banner and the champers. It was such a lovely afternoon, and I couldn't be more proud of my big brother. He's a legend and an inspiration. A hero.

Luke

Busy

At work I have a desk calendar, which gives me an interesting fact and a quote every day. I've got a small collection of quotes building up in my wallet which have either touched me emotionally or reminded me of something or someone. The other day was pretty topical, and I've taken it to heart.

Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.

So I am. Travelling has literally been on my mind non-stop for the last week, and I now have two notebooks; one for home and one for work, where I scribble down interesting titbits, ideas or flashes of inspiration. I have numerous savings plans and I am working my bloody socks off. After Friday, I would have done 17 hours of overtime in 7 days. That is insane. I've never even done 17 hours in one month before!

I've been getting on really well with Annie the last few days which is nice. She came over yesterday and went straight upstairs to my bed for a nap. I miss her in my bed. There's a slim chance we may both be in Sydney for Christmas / New Years 2012, so that would be an unexpected bonus. 

I argued with Sean this morning. I was still angry he took the piss out of Shepps. Sheppard is one my my best mates and one of the few people I can trust. As far as I'm concerned, loyalty and respect are massively important and Sean seems to lack both of them. I guess the fact I only have a year left of living with him is perhaps a blessing in disguise as he drives me mad at times. And not in a cute psychotic way like Annie used to. 

Ella seems very friendly on Skype this evening. Note to self: try a Crawfish Boil when in Boston. Looks like something from 'Man Vs Food' but more importantly, looks utterly delicious!

Early start tomorrow (bloody overtime) so time to wrap this up. We finally have a working cooker. However the boiler is still knackered. I want a shower. I'm also having a week off from the gym to rest up and recover, which means I have this sense of guilt all week. 

Just a thought, I swim for brighter days. And since I started this blog, I am been swimming relentlessly, and I feel better for it. I have a goal, I have something to work towards, and I have a dream. I have no idea where I will end up, but I'm optimistic brighter days are on the horizon. Just gotta keep swimming!

Luke

Greyhound

...or Amtrak?

Thoughts? Going from San Francisco to New York over 30 days. A few forum posts seem to suggest Greyhound is pretty seedy and dangerous, which doesn't sound too good for a 23-year old lad potentially backpacking across USA on his own!

Luke