"Just close your eyes, and sing for me".

Let's talk about Thursday night.

Wow.

I genuinely don't remember the last time I enjoyed a night that much. A cosy evening spent with Emma, chatting about anything and everything and watching The OC. We were watching the Season 1 finale, where Ryan leaves to go back to Chino with Teresa and Cohen sets sails on the Summer Breeze, and I genuinely thought she was going to cry. I cannot deal with crying women. I recall Annie bawling her eyes out the first time we watched The Notebook and I don't think I've ever been so uncomfortable, so I'm glad Emma managed to fight back the tears.

It seems the more time I spend with Emma, the more I become completely hooked on her, to the point where she quite literally dominates my thoughts. It's difficult to stop thinking "Oh, how do I look?" or "Is this shirt and tie combination aesthetically pleasing?" when you're in the office knowing you could bump into her at any minute. I know she likes me aswell, which is a great feeling and it fills me with confidence, something I typically struggle with. I'm the kind of guy that will never try pulling a girl unless I'm 100% sure she's into me. I hate rejection like I hate Arctic Roll. And take away the social lubricant that is beer and I couldn't even pull a muscle.

Sponge is good. Ice cream is good. But for the love of God, not together!!

I'm looking forward to taking her out for a proper proper date when I get back from Boston. It's tough timing, but I get to see her Monday evening before the flight on Wednesday morning so I'm buzzing about that. I just need to try and get my Boston head on and get excited. Unfortunately, I'm going to be spending a week with Ella but all week I'll be thinking of Emma. I'm excited to see Ella again after all these years and I know we'll have a right laugh, but that kind of excitement has got nothing over pure, unbridled infatuation. It's nice to have a blog to write in so that I can openly admit this girl has some sort of crazy spell on me without fear of anyone immediate to me knowing that.

So I'm hoping Ella doesn't think anything will happen between us in Boston, because it won't. Although Emma and I haven't technically been on a proper date yet, I am really not interested in anyone else and I plan on keeping it in my trousers next week.

The most entertaining Nicklas Bendtner has ever been.

Did I just buy a Santa toilet seat cover on my lunch break? Why yes, yes I did.

Today I have been in an incredibly festive mood. 92 days until the big day, but more importantly, just 70 short days until the Chrismukkah party! Is this too early to be feeling festive? I'm probably making up for last year when I was the most hackneyed of Scrooges. This year, Mr Christmas returns with a bang.

So the other day, I was thinking about dating and I thought "Where do I take Emma?". Sean recently took his Sarah to a fancy hotel in London and to see a show, and I know it cost him an absolute fortune. I don't have this kind of money, so I need to be a little more creative. Plus I always think big gestures like that lack individuality; you can be alot cuter and more personal than that when it comes to dating and spend a fraction of the cost. So completely randomly, my friend posted a photo of her Boyce Avenue tickets on her Facebook. Turns out Boyce Avenue are playing in London on Nov 3rd. Now, not many people have heard of Boyce Avenue on these shores (which is both shocking and appalling) so there were still tickets available. Then I remembered one of the first conversations I ever had with Emma about how much we had in common and how we liked the same music and lo and behold she mentioned she also loves abit of the Boyce.

See where I'm going with this...?

So I ordered two tickets to see them in the hope that when Nov 3rd comes round, we'll either be a couple or at least still be dating. Possibly quite optimistic, but at £23 a ticket it's not breaking the bank and I know that if things are going well, she will absolutely LOVE it. I'm a fan of the 'gig date' particularly if you're seeing someone like Boyce, Death Cab, Paolo Nutini...

Tonight I'll be heading to the pub for a hard-earned cold one with Martin, Chris and a few others. My '52 Beers in 52 Weeks' challenge is still going strong, although I think I'm a few behind so I need to pick up the pace. I also have my next CII Insurance exam to study for; a problem when you're working 6-day weeks and finding just enough time between gym and football to catch up with Mr Schuester and the gang, let alone study. I left school 5 years ago but these damn textbooks will not bloody jog on.

Luke

Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.

Up Shit Creek without a paddle, yeah?

Saturday night was perfect. 

This week I've tried blogging. I've tried and failed on multiple occasions. The truth is, I just can't get you out of my head and you're the only thing I want to talk about. And that hardly makes compulsive reading, so expect fewer posts over the next week or two while I continue to attempt to keep my feet on the ground despite knowing full well that a beautiful blonde fancies the Calvin's off me. 

Luke

"Don't know why I'm still afraid, if you weren't real I would make you up."

Because the truth is, you're everything I didn't know I was looking for.

Luke

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”

So, I noticed that the 28th of August was my 6-month anniversary of my first ever Blog post. Wow. I genuinely didn't think I would last this long (That's what she said!). This, if I am correct, is the part where I write about how much my life has changed over the last six months, right? Time to write about all the lessons I've learnt and how I've grown as a person? Hmmm...

6 months ago I was:

Disheartened by the whole dating scene,
Feeling like I'm in the midst of a mid-life crisis,
A complete Sop,
Feeling like I'm in limbo,
Saving religously,
Drinking like a fish,
Smoking like a chimney,
Listening to The Baseballs.

And now...?
Disheartened by the whole dating scene,
Feeling like I'm in the midst of a mid-life crisis,
A complete Sop....

Fuck.

But hey, you know what, life is good. No. Life is great. I've learnt many valuable lessons. I've learnt that spunking £300 on clothes to impress a girl is both exhilirating and therapeutic (abit like watching 'The Expendables'), even if she only ever sees you in a suit at the office. I've also learnt that, even if you're not sure a girl likes you, it's dead fun to get in over your head and suspend disbelief. It's about the journey, not the destination, right? RIGHT?!! Sod the inevitable disappointment; that's when I'll give my good friend Coors Light a call and see if he wants to hang out.

Wait, my phone's ringing...

I learnt that I can be pretty calm and collected, despite my head screaming to her "PLEEEEASSSEEE LOOOVVEEEE MMEEEEE!!!" in true Bruce Almighty style. Unfortunately, for you guys as readers, my mind tends to ejaculate all the bullshit that I build up all over this blog, so I appreciate you all for helping clean up the mess.

(Wow... did I really just write that...?)

This year I learnt that, no matter how hard I fight it, I will ALWAYS love the blondes. I see a group of girls and I make a bee-line for the blonde in the same way I would always plump for Cookie Dough over Phish Food or Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Like the lovely lady from last night. I don't care if she was mid-thirties, she had fantastic hair. I learnt that life is much more fun when wearing chinos and high-tops, and that wristbands are awesome, until you start giving them away to virgins on holiday to try and lure them into bed. So I've heard. From a friend. Of a friend.

But most importantly, I have learnt that no matter how confused, lost or disheartened you feel, there is nothing that cannot be solved with a crate of beer, a pack of 20 Richmond and a French girl named Florence.

I feel like I am living the teenage lifestyle I should have been living when I was 18. Instead, I was busy galavanting around Paris and paying off ludicrously overpriced engagement rings. I am the exhuberant, extrovert predator that I should have been back then. The chick-chasing, kiss-stealing, heart-breaking son of a gun.

Kind of.

Luke

I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water...

I'm going to make this an Emma-free post. All I've done the last couple of weeks is think about her and talk about her, so it's time to think and talk about something else. Here's something that's been bothering me for a while.

So every year Sean and I host a massive Chrismukkah party at our house. It's effectively a made-up holiday popularised by The OC (the single greatest TV show ever made) combining Christmas and Hanukkah into one massive super holiday for mixed Jewish and Christian households. Now, we're not Jews, but I guess I'm pretty stingey with money. We're not Christians, but be a fly on the wall during an intense game of Modern Warfare 2 and you will hear plenty of "Oh Jesus Fucking Christ!" or "For God's Sake!". Yeah, that's enough justification for us.

Christmukkah is our biggest party of the year and it pretty much sets the standard for house parties. It's our marquee event and it is pretty epic. This year we plan on really pushing the boat out and sharing the Chrismukkah experience with as many people as possible, and we plan on throwing in some fantastic surprises throughout the night. Just looking at the names that will be on the guestlist this year gets me buzzing: Williams, Zoe, Peppa, Baker, 'She who must not be named', Sarah K, Sarah W, Meg... loads of massive personalities. It promises to really be something special this year.

However, there is one BIG personality left off that list. Arguably the biggest personality of them all.

Annie.

I keep thinking it over in my head, and I get no closer to deciding. Do I invite her to Chrismukkah or not?

Here's some pros and cons.

Reasons to invite Annie to Chrismukkah

• She's very popular. 
• She's beautiful.
• She's friends with Sean.
• She leaves for Oz a few weeks later, so this will be her last house party.
• I wouldn't want her to leave on a sour note.
• She was a big part of my life.
• She makes lovely cakes.
• I already told her at the BBQ that she could come.
• She will wear a low cut top and have her fake breasts hanging out all over the place.

Reasons NOT to invite Annie to Chrismukkah

• She still walks around like it's her house.
• I wouldn't feel comfortable spending time with 'She who must not be named' when Annie was in the room.
• She doesn't drink because of the calories.
• She usually expects to sleep here.
• She moans (in general, not in bed).
• She always manages to piss me off somehow.
• I don't enjoy her company.
• I wouldn't want Peppa to feel uncomfortable.
• My closest friends (Peppa, Shepps, Martin) don't like her.
• I don't like her.
• She will wear a low cut top and have her fake breasts hanging out all over the place.

Quite the predicament. Can I really not invite Annie to Chrismukkah? Do I have it in me not to invite her? She's been a fixture of our house parties since the start; trying to imagine one without her is difficult. She would be crushed. But then again, could the absence of Annie be a blessing? Could it unleash me from my metaphorical shackles? To be able to mingle, kiss and sleep with guests without fear of upsetting the ex-fiancee... that sounds ideal. It's my party and I'll have sex if I want to!

Dilemma...

...Dilemma...

...Emma...

...Emma beeped at me on the way to work this morning. She looked pretty...

Luke

On the surface he looks calm and ready...

I haven't spoken to you since 3am last night. It's now almost 8pm. This is the longest space between texts we have had since we started talking. 

And all I want to do is text you. 

And all I'm thinking about is texting you.

And all I am waiting for is a text from you. 

---

Fuck. 

Luke

August 26th was a Friday.

Today was a great day.

It's a three-day weekend. I have no overtime. I have very little housework to get through. I have a fridge full of Coors Light. I have 4 Menthol Cigarettes.

Or in the words of Paolo Nutini:

"I got food in my belly and a license for my telly and nothing's gonna bring me down!".

Here's a little update for you. Since January I've been saving religiously. I eat microwave meals and I drink whatever's on offer. I switched from Marlboro Menthol to Richmond Menthol, then to Stirling Menthol, then to nothing, just to save cash. In around 6 months I managed to save around £5k.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Bluewater. Bluewater is (I believe) the biggest shopping centre in the UK and is an hour drive from our town. And I plan on drawing out £300 and spunking it all. I'm finally going to lose my chino virginity (let's hope it's better than the time I lost my turtle-neck virginity) and I'm plan on purchasing a plethora of pristine (aliteration ftw!) tight white t-shirts and silly wristbands. I'm also going to pick up a pair of hightops. Then probably put them back down again. Maybe.

My justification behind this is threefold:

(1) I've worked so hard over the last 6 months and I have nothing to show for it. I had a bloody anxiety attack in the office and was signed off with stress for nearly two weeks. I've pushed myself harder than I ever thought I could and I deserve to treat myself.

(2) I'm in desperate need of some new clothes. If I go travelling next year, I'll be needing some new clobber. I go to Boston in 4 weeks and 5 days and I want to have shiny new clothes for the masses of photos we plan on taking.

(3) Emma LOVES the chinos.

Yep, I'm going to dip into my hard-earned savings and buy some new clothes because I want to impress a girl. HEY SHUT UP YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MUM!

So things with Emma and I are going well. She's texting and messaging me just as much as I am her (i.e. all evening) and she's been dropping a few hints here, a few compliments there. She really is a doll, she's incredibly easy to talk to and she is B.E.A.Utiful. My God she is tasty. The kind of smile you could gaze at all night and the kind of thighs you want to use as ear-muffs. She's away this weekend with her family so there's no chance of anything happening which is a shame, but I'm hoping next weekend could be the one. She's a busy girl, and I'm a busy guy, so there's no rush. HOWEVER, she has yet to see 500 Days of Summer, so a movie night is definitely needed soon so I can sort that girl out.

The truth is, I haven't felt this relaxed for a long time. I'm not thinking about travelling, or Annie, or Ella, or my diet or my anxiety. I'm just thinking about Emma, sleep and Glee Project. I can't believe Cameron walked! Literally screamed at my TV on Wednesday. I imagine us Brits are behind the US so no spoilers please!

Apart from Emma, everything else is pretty much stagnant. Work, play, work, play, work. C'est La Vie. My workout regime in now a 5-day split as opposed to a 3-day split, so although each workout is quicker and I'm feeling pretty pumped most of the time, I am finding myself absolutely exhausted day in day out. I do feel like I'm making some good gains and my fat levels are coming down, but the quest continues. I guess becoming a chiselled adonis is not as easy as I envisioned. One day, that Cam Gigandet physique will be mine. One day.

Oh and Sunday Martin and I are hitting the Ibiza foam party at Bliss. HUGE.

Today was a great day.

Luke