Empty

That's what I'm running on.

Well, that and ALOT of caffeine.

I've just treated myself to a Tesco Value Cheese pizza, and Tesco Value garlic bread. Yes, treated. I also bought a pack of 10 menthol cigarettes. I know I gave up on New Years, but I've been smoking socially recently and I know I can go without cigarettes. But I want one. I'm doing my wonderful 11-hour shifts at work again this week, along with 8 hours on Saturday morning. So by the end of this week, I would have already worked 34 hours of double-time in April. I'm pretty sure I'm heading for some sort of psychological meltdown, at least that's what Ben says. I'm not, I'm just determined to get as much cash saved as possible. It's not like I have much else to do in the evenings! FIFA, Annie, and planning travelling.

I think I deserve a cigarette. Don't you? It's cheaper than a beer, so why is it less socially acceptable than a beer?

I was thinking today whether I actually have it in me to go travelling on my own. I think I have. But I know as it gets closer and closer I'll become more worried and restless. I'm thinking of this as challenging myself. I'm going out of my comfort zone, and I think if I can do this, I'll be better off because of it. I'm going to miss my parents and family loads though. I have the most awesome family in the world, and I'm going to be on the other side of the world, so it's going to be difficult, but I'm sure I'll make friends and get used to being on my own. I like to think I'm pretty independent and since the break-up, I've got used to keeping myself to myself. I'm not dating at all, I have no intention of dating. I'm quite happy on my own right now. Sex would be nice. Casual sex. In my experience, it's never just casual though. One person always wants more, which is a damn shame.

I've got it in me to do this. I know I have. I've got it in me to do anything.

A certain Lucas Scott once told me:

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads; afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments will define us for the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while people push onto something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief. And beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead."


I think I'll run with this :)




Luke