My Racing Thoughts

My Saturday night was spent parading around a gay bar in a sailor hat. No joke. I have just about recovered. It's Tuesday evening. Fuck.

My beer of the week: Amigos. 

L to R: Me, Terry, Martin.

"Who's Your Daddy?"

Me and Stu.

Unfortunately Erin wanted the hat back at the end of the night.

Goose and Maverick - Wingmen in Action. 

To clarify (and hopefully save some face) It wasn't my sailor hat and we didn't intentionally end up in a gay bar. These things happen. I also didn't intend to smoke three cigarettes. Or drink that Black Sambuca. But somehow, I managed to stay off the poles, which is more than I can say for Martin. I must say, I do love a completely messed-up night out once in a while, and I have learnt to expect the unexpected when out with Tel and Stuart.

So I'm feeling good. I have my Echocardiogram at the end of the month and although the palpitations have come back the last day or two (they always do after heavy drinking) I am looking forward to getting the all-clear from the Doctors. Fingers crossed. Unfortunately I still have the elephant that is Annie in my room. 

It's funny what a break-up can do. One minute you're completely and utterly madly 'in love' with someone, and then the next minute you just want to rip their head off. Of course, I would never harm a girl unless she could bench-press more than me and she hit me first. The point is, this happens all too often (the bad break-up, not the hitting women thing). It's as if you have to experience the full spectrum of feelings. How is it possible to go from absolutely adoring somebody to then not wanting to spend another minute in the same room as them. Why is it so difficult to remain friends after a break-up?

I'm worried that it's getting to this point with Annie. I don't enjoy her company, despite spending four years glued to her every action. How can things change so drastically? She hasn't spoken to me since I told her about Boston last week. To get a better idea of the situation, here's a brief history lesson:

Ella was my summer romance from 5 years ago. She was my first ever 'romance' (in more ways than one if you catch my drift). She came over from the US to spend the summer with her cousin and we met in a local club, and then spent the whole Summer together. Unfortunately, we both knew she had to go back to the US at the end of the summers so we stayed relatively at arm's length emotionally. After she left, we would talk all the time on webcam and there were plans for her to save up and come over to see me again while I was at University in Liverpool, but then I met Annie over the Christmas period and fell for her big time. Naturally, Annie didn't like me talking to Ella and eventually gave me the ultimatum - Her or Ella. I chose Annie. I shouldn't have had to choose, and in hindsight it was unreasonable for her to say that, but that was the kind of person Annie was. Perhaps I was abit spineless in my young age, or perhaps I was just in far too deep. Either way, I cut Ella out of my life completely to save my relationship. It's what you do when you're in love and in the 'bubble' so to speak.

When I say Annie hates Ella, I mean Annie REALLY despises Ella. Ella is everything that Annie resents and everything she envies. Ella is incredibly intelligent, cultural, she is stunning and she liked me. A few months ago Annie found out I had been talking to Ella again and she wasn't happy. And now, I've just had to tell her I am going to Boston to see Ella for a week. No wonder the shit hit the fan.

Subtle, much?

On any given day, I estimate I spend at least 2 or 3 hours thinking, planning, researching or writing about travelling. My latest gripe: Why is it so difficult to get into other countries? Europe is fine, and that's an avenue I haven't really explored yet, but my ideal locations are mainly rock-hard to get into. Despite Mum having a Canadian Passport and that whole side of the family living in Canada, it's still not a formality that I can get in. Not at all. USA I will come to later. Actually emigrating to Australia is alot more difficult than anticipated and the prospect of working out there permanently is looking bleaker the more I research. I need to get out of the UK though, I don't think Scotland, Wales or even Ireland will be enough. This change in my life needs to be bigger than that.

Reasons why I want to leave the UK

Foreigners - I'm not a racist person. If foreign people are prepared to come into the UK and speak our language and have skills that we need then I am all for immigration. But I kid you not, the South East of England has become 'Spot the Englishman'. It is a disgrace. My taxes pay for these spongers.

Eonomy - My gas and electric prices have doubled in the last 6 months. My wages have stayed the same. You do the Math.

Political Correctness - Self-explanatory. Where's the fun at?!

Weather - I want snow!! I want sunshine!! I want extremes! I don't want sleet in the winter and muggy heat in the summer. Give me some proper weather!

Chav Culture - To the point where you can't talk to a girl in a club without being punched or bottled. Nearly. Maybe. Something like that.

1 degree of seperation - Having lived in this town for the duration of my teenage and adult life, I have grown tired of the same faces in the same clubs. Everyone knows everyone.

Women - Because foreign women are so much more attractive than British women. And ALOT more interesting. Right now I'm big on the Scandinavian girls.

America - Because I want to be a blonde 6ft 4 water polo-playing college jock who goes to Summer Camp to be surrounded by hundreds of bikini-clad American women with fantastic American accents. I can't see that happening in the UK. This would DEFINITELY happen in the US. Definitely.

I have an American friend who has an American friend who charged a foreigner £15,000 for US citizenship (i.e. marriage). Tel, Stuart and myself were discussing this last night, and that doesn't sound like a bad price at all to be fair, considering it is nigh-on impossible to get in any other way. Is this something that happens regularly in the US?

I have £3.57 and a packet of Monster Munch, any takers?

I could probably stretch to an Um-Bongo aswell.

In all seriousness, it's not something I would do. Call me old-fashioned but I don't think I could ever marry someone I didn't love. I don't think my parents would let me go through with it either. Marriage is a big thing for me. I'm talking 'taking ballroom dance classes' big. I want a big white wedding because I am a complete sop. My band will be Boyce Avenue and my best man will be Adam Brody. And there will be crab cakes. PROPER crab cakes. And lots of them. Oh, and my wife will be Zooey Deschanel.

"To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die."

To end, I have (literally this minute) just discovered Jack's Mannequin will be releasing 'My Racing Thoughts' as the first single off the new album 'People and Things' due out this Autumn. They are in my humble opinion the greatest band in the world and Andrew McMahon is a real inspiration to me. I have said before that for every mood and every scenario in life, there is a JM song which you can relate to. The music is beautiful, the lyrics are stirring and the hooks are addictive like hell, so I highly recommend checking out 'Mixed Tape', 'Swim' and 'Spinning' to name just a few. I can't liiterally imagine a better way of ending a post / day.

Luke